So, of course, we follow them into the bathroom.
A giant guy and one of the smartest (and coolest) girls I’ve ever met tell me to follow them into a bathroom in London. What the heck? I’m following them in! We ALL follow them into the bathroom. I’m at the back of the group with MB so it takes me a moment to realize it’s a giant bathroom. Like, really. It’s huge – for a bathroom. It’s about the size of a small studio apartment and reminds me of one of the bathrooms at Radio City back home. Antarctic Sister opens one of the doors of a stall and walks in, followed by Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Brother of Boyfriend, English Girl, and “Sweetie” Katherine. Drummer Boy, MB, and I come to an abrupt stop by the time Brother of Boyfriend gets to the stall entrance. We just stand there wondering what’s going on. Behind me, Giant Bodyguard leans over my shoulder and says “It’s ok, go on” while looking at DB and MB. So, we start walking again. We open the door and what the fuck just happened??!! The stall is empty! We all step back as GB goes in between us to the toilet. He pulls up at the bottom of the bowl, the entire thing flips back, there’s a staircase going down, and GB says “go on”.
Walking down narrow, steep, stairs in a dress and heels is tricky.
GB closes the “door” behind him and MB and I are walking with the others in a dark hallway. Up ahead, AS says “stay to the right” and I’m soon walking out of a closet door and am in a dressing room full of mirrors and lights. Music is blaring. We walk through a curtain and we’re in a nightclub. I don’t have a moment to grasp what just happened as we’re now being shuffled to the bar. So, I only grip MB’s hand as I wonder what alternate universe I just entered. Bartender, can you make me a foofy drink? Make it two, please!
Boyfriend and Girlfriend introduce us to the owner who buys us a round of drinks. Turns out that when he and his wife bought the place, they had no idea about the tunnel. He tore down the inner wall in the dressing room to reinforce it and found the tunnel. The restaurant next door had been empty so they bought it. Other than the two of them, no one knew anything about it for a while. They’d tell people the closet was full of business papers and kept it locked. It wasn’t until one of the cleaning guys in the restaurant was telling his wife the water kept going through the floor near one of the toilets that they decided to ‘fess up and tell the employees. They designed it so people can go from the restaurant to the club, but not the other way around – the closet still stays locked. Wow. Just wow.
I’m feeling a bit tipsy at this point so I grab MB’s hand and drag him to the dance floor to dance off some of this alcohol. You know those moments when there’s a pause in the music or it changes from fast music to slow music and you just sort of stand there wondering if you want to slow dance with someone or make an excuse and go to the bar? Well, that doesn’t happen here. The music part does, but not the wondering part. MB holds me tight as we sway to the music. If we’re the only ones on the floor at this point, I don’t know and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. We’re happy where we are. The music picks up. Our pace doesn’t. The dance floor gets crowded and we barely move. We just sway back and forth like a high school dance where you’re afraid to move because you’re just so happy to be in the arms of the boy you’ve had a crush on for months. Kissing MB is like the first time nearly every time. Exciting. My weak knees. His strong arms. Swaying to our own beat. Sadly, we realize this romantic moment is not continuing – we grow tired of people bumping into us so we pick up our pace. Dancing and grinding while sweat beads roll off the side of his face. I can’t take it anymore so I suggest we go to the loo.
I hate this place. The line to the bathroom is too long. Once I get to the front of the line I notice it’s much more public than I had hoped. Just great. I have to keep myself in check until we get back to the hotel. I want to leave now please. We walk back to the bar to say our goodbyes. MB hugs me from behind and I can feel that he wants to leave too. But, dammit, it is not meant to be. Katherine, English Girl, Drummer Boy, and Brother of Boyfriend are doing some drinking game and wants everyone to join in. Well, since I can’t have sex here and I can’t seem to leave to go have sex somewhere else, I might as well drink because if I dance with MB any more, I’m going to have to change my panties. MB, with his arm around me, sitting so close and rubbing against me as he reaches for his drink doesn’t help the situation. After the first drink, I get up to go the bathroom. This time, I actually have to pee. Wouldn’t you know it? No damn line this time and it’s empty! I look back at the table but there are too many people in the way to get MB’s attention.
I sit down at the table and there is a delicious foofy drink waiting for me. MB’s a doll. And he looks so good right now. Still sweaty from dancing, he’s laughing and smiling as I sit down. I just want to rip off his clothes. But, dammit, it is not meant to be. The owner comes by with his wife who mentions she once lived in NYC. MB stands up and she sits between us. She turns to me and we start talking about the city. We traveled in the same circles when she lived in NY, but never seemed to have met. Funny how that happens sometimes. She’s incredibly smart and I wonder what her story is – how did she end up in London owning a club and a restaurant? Maybe I’ll find out another time. She says goodbye and MB is sitting next to me with his arm around me again. I lean over to kiss his cheek. I whisper in his ear that if he doesn’t stop doing what he’s doing to me, I’m going to have to take off my panties. He laughs and kisses me that deep passionate way that he does and I moan a little bit. This is war. Drinks arrive and he leans into me as he reaches for his glass. When he sits back down, I, endearingly, unbutton the top button of his shirt and slide my hand across the top of his chest as I put my head on his shoulder. As I do, not even he notices that I drop my panties down his shirt. Seconds later, I sit up straight and reach for my drink. A bit later, he excuses himself and goes to the loo. He comes back with his shirt buttoned and re-tucked, and announces to the table he’s exhausted and wants to leave. Yes! Finally.
You must never keep a lady waiting.